Yeah the Family Jewels haven't been stolen!

I haven't blogged in a few weeks because I have been very preoccupied with a severe pain.. in the the... uh... "nether regions"

Now I'll handle this post in the most "delicate" manner I can, but honestly I wouldn't blame ya a bit if you decided to skip it entirely. Frankly I could live without exposing my medical problems to the world (especially semi-embarrassing ones), but hell what fun would that be? Besides I am feeling REALLY relieved at the moment so heck yeah I'm gonna post about it!

About 3 weeks ago I suddenly started getting a sharp pain in one of my testicles. Now this wasn't a gentle ache or a throb, but a random sharp shooting OUCH type of pain. Being a guy this can be very distressing and you worry about all sorts of terrible evil things (don't want to end up with a Tom Green uniball). I waited a week hoping it was a sprained muscle, pulled groin or the like.

Finally I was too scared to wait any longer and saw the doc. She poked and prodded me. Let me tell you doctors can be pretty insensitive to a guys sensitive areas. She put two fingers completely inside my body and didn't use an existing hole to do it (use your imagination). Uh yeah she found the spot.

Doc said I may have an inflammation and prescribes antibiotics. She assures me it's completely normal and that I could have gotten from a cold (as opposed to that girl in Singapore, I knew she was bad stuff! ... yeah right ;)

Unfortunatly the pills didn't seem to take the pain away and I got worried again. Now it had been 2 weeks and things weren't looking a whole lot better. Researching on the internet made me more stressed. I had all but convinced myself I tangled up wires up inside my body and they would need untangling. Worse still was I had a hernia operation on that side and in that area just a little over 2 years ago so I begin to fret that something was tearing up in there. I went back to the doc and she ordered an ultrasound and x-rays. She thought it might be a good idea to check with the surgeon also to get his opinion.

Now is where my story gets off into the rant tangent. I'll save a lot of space and stress and just say that I had to do a LOT of calling, screaming, begging and threatening just to get seen by someone who knew what the hell might be going on. No one wanted to do their jobs and get me the help I needed in making sure this thing wasn't going to end up with me on an operating table. The cumulation was when I had to take 2 hours off of work, drive to my doctors office and stand there and MAKE her staff fill out the required authorizations and fax them. It was like dealing with spoiled little children who couldn't be bothered to do something. So damn frustrating... and now I'll have to switch docs, because there is no way I want her staff handling my medical records anymore.

Anyway, after all my hootin' and hollerin' I managed to get my ultrasound, 4 x-rays of my pelvis AND get into the surgeons office within a mere 10 more days.

When I see the surgeon he says "you waited over 3 weeks to get seen for this pain?" Well NOOOO I waited 1 week and then my insurance and local doctors office completely j*@$ed me around for over 2 more weeks.

The good news... no GREAT news is that my ultrasound and x-rays were clean and ruled out all of the horrible things my mind conjured up. The physical exam was good too. Nothing amiss and the mesh from the hernia is fine. The surgeon asks me about exercising and I reveal to him that I had beeen dieting for a while now and about 5 weeks ago I bought an exercise bike. Well like a chump I tired to be Lance Armstrong and rode it a lot the first week or so (like everyday intensely). So now he thinks I did pull a muscle or cramp a nerve bundle soemwhere and the pain is radiating down there. He surprised me by telling me a lot of guys suffer pains in their gear that is actually from an unrelated area and that the body is weird with transmitting pain signals. He tells me take it easy for a week or two more and see how it goes and if need be I can come back in and go for a CAT Scan.

So it looks like my panic was for naught and the jewels are safe! Huzzah!